I was working out yesterday, watching The View (not my favorite, but it was my only option), and they were talking about why people want babies. They were saying how some people want them so someone will love them, and other people want someone to love. It just got me thinking...
Am I being selfish to want a baby? The world is kind of crappy right now. Is it just instinctual? I need a part of me to go on? Perhaps, and maybe at the beginning of ttc, it was more of just a feeling that I wanted a baby. Seeing my girlfriends with their swollen bellies and hearing about feeling tiny kicks and the wonderful world of baby showers just sounded like where my life should be headed. When my best friend was pregnant, I felt that feeling grow. And then she had her babies. No matter how often she told me how frustrated she was or how the babies could not be consoled, I still wanted them! I would go over to her house when they were small and just marvel at how she just knew how to take care of these babies. I still marvel at how good of a mom she is to her toddlers!
During this looooonnnnngggg journey to motherhood, I've at times contemplated why I do want a baby. Not just "a baby", three babies. And I want all three of these babies to grow up to be happy, well-adjusted adults with children of their own. I want to have kids so I can someday be a grandma! And I want to buy those adorable sun dresses that come with ruffly baby undies!
I want kids because they are hope. They are the future. As hokey as that sounds, it is true. Yes, the world is crappy, and yes, instinctually, I want a piece of me to go on. I feel like if I'm a good enough mother, and I know J will be an awesome dad, our children will be able to influence changes in the world, advocates for change. I want to teach them to not sit quietly when something is wrong; to stand up for what they know is right. I want to teach them to see beauty in the world and protect it. Our Earth is so fragile, and our kids are really the ones that are going to have to deal with global warming and such. I want to show my kids how to love and how to be loved. Our world is in major deficit of love. I know my children will probably not grow up to be the President, but maybe they'll be able to make things better in their own way.
Those are just some of the reasons I want kids. It sounds idealistic, but that's my nature. I already have so much love for babies that don't even have heartbeats or eye lashes, but they have so much potential. Each one of my little snowbabies has the genetic make up that will make them strong and loving human beings; how can I not be in love?