Monday, February 12, 2007

I feel pregnant/ infertility revisited!!

Please, please, please don't take this following post as complaining... I'm so not!
Tomorrow I will be 28 weeks pregnant, and today is the first day I actually really FEEL pregnant. I have dealt with the morning sickness (which I am STILL getting, than you very much!!), the tiredness, and some minor aches and pains. I have LOVED feeling her move and getting to know her little personality... But, my bump has remained fairly small. I could still easily hide it (not that I'm trying to), and was pretty comfortable when I walked around and slept. Everyone had told me my bump was "small", and I've gained a respectable 18 lbs so far. However, over the weekend, something happened. Its like someone blew air into my belly, and I'm now carrying around a soccer ball! I've come up with a new way to sleep, which involves one body pillow, a pillow for my head, and a pillow for my belly. DH LOVES this!! :) And its starting to HURT. I can tell she is getting bigger and stronger because I can feel her kick me in the ribs and punch me in the abdomen at the same time. And her kicks are no longer the little flutters...

Its also strange how infertility is still having an effect on me. When people ask my due date, and I tell them, and they comment, "You planned this perfectly", I want to tell them what all the planning entailed. Part of me wants to tell them about the IVF, but I just smile and agree.
These women in my class were talking about this other woman who had to drop out of our master's cohort after she had her baby last July. She had had 3 miscarriages, and had been trying for a long time to get pregnant after her last miscarriage. After her baby boy was born, she got pregnant again about 3 months later, and just had her second (She's had two babies before I have had one! Crazy, huh? But she's on our island so we can't be too jealous, right???) . Anyways, these women were saying how hard it would be and said she was nuts for trying right away, yada, yada, yada. I explained to them that after IF, doctors will tell you to try again right away. They asked me if I was going to try again immediately. I told them that there is no point in us trying b/c we have no chance of getting pregnant without IVF. They looked shocked; did they think I did IVF for FUN? It was just so bizarre how infertility still impacts my emotions... or maybe its just these crazy hormones and lack of sleep?

Monday, February 05, 2007

Baby bedding

I ordered the bedding for the baby's room over the weekend! I found it for a pretty good deal, so I thought I would go for it. I can't believe how expensive it all is! I was talking to my mom, and she said she would pay for it! Thank goodness! Between bedding, clothes and the breast pump, we are going to go broke!
I am still grappling with this guilt... sometimes I feel so happy to be pregnant and so fortunate, and other times, I just feel miserable for feeling that way. I'm trying to appreciate life and not take anything for granted; it is just so hard to do!
Only 13 more weeks until this little one gets here. It is kind of scary, but mostly exciting. I can't wait to hold her in my arms and stare. :)
School was cancelled today due to the fact that over 100 buses wouldn't start. I was like a little kid when J answered the phone and handed it to me. It was just so nice to have an extra day. I tried to get the baby's room ready, but got real hot and real nauseous and started to see shapes floating, so I decided to take it easy. I finally got out of my pj's to meet J for lunch, but I'm headed back in them. Back to my cocoon on the couch! I'm taking advantage of this day!! :)