Friday, August 11, 2006

Am I Less?

Jeff and I were watching our favorite Friday night show... TLC's What Not To Wear. We are seriously addicted and often refer to Stacy and Clinton like they are personal friends. Yes, we can be a little dorky! But, after my Wednesday shopping trip with Julia, I think she could watches it just as much as I do! She even had the hand gestures down! "Now, Joei, you see how these pockets accentuate your hips? Not good... You want to draw the attention AWAY from them..."

Anyways... A commercial comes on for a show on making moms into models. I turn to Jeff and say, "You are nothing in this world if you are not a mom". The minute the words tumbled out of my mouth, I really felt how true they were. I started babbling on about how they should have a make over show for women on fertility drugs... We could really use a boost in self-esteem and self-confidence, especially when your belly is bloated and you feel just plain old fat!

Everywhere you look, there are women with babies, men with babies, families, everywhere! They have parking for pregnant women at the mall! I think I should get a special parking spot "Infertile Woman on Hormones Parking ONLY" and the spaces should be extra wide and you will get a massage upon making to the mall without running over anyone.

Every Mother's Day, my aunt has this huge brunch. I always thought it was nice of her to cook and clean since she didn't have kids. OPPS! Stupid Joei! This Mother's Day, I called her and cried, and she cried with me. I don't think its fair that she never experienced the homemade cards or little presents like the "World's Best Mom" coffee cups, and then she was expected to act all happy to have us all over. I'm still trying to figure out this "Not a Mother's Day" holiday.

At work, I was the one that got put onto a stupid committe since I don't have kids. And its rubbed into my bleeding heart everyday, "I can't stay late; the babysitter will be mad" "I have 2 kids at home; I can't take on any extra work." My team all worked together to help the pregnant woman on our team get her room set up! I wanted to scream, "I'm getting snowbabies implanted on Thursday! I need help, too!" But I didn't. And I won't. I am invisible to them, to everyone, and I will be until I have my babies in tow. And I can't wait to have my team put my room together because, " I have twin babies at home!"


Anonymous said...

I am working on the "Not-having-baby" shower. I was also thinking of the I'm still not Married Party too. maybe someone could at least find me the "Coulda been an Awesome Mom" mug, then I could pick up one for you. I love your writing it is painfully honest. I will be praying for you two, those snowbabies are going to have great parents!


Angela E. said...

Can't wait to see how the transfer goes. I totally agree that IF women need their own parking spot. I've looked at those signs and sighed a little, too.

Rowans-mum said...

Joei - I love you girl!! Yvonne x

Jenn said...

Joei- there will always be that constant struggle for those experiencing IF- knowing that there are others out there that conceived without a care in the world. Maybe the fertile crowd will never really know life as we do but you can rest assured that those of us that are in your boat are 100% on your side and know each and every day what you are going through. We love you!

Dianne/Flutter said...

I can't wait for your snow babies :). Praying for you daily.