Friday, July 14, 2006

Things I Have Learned From Infertility

This is in no particular order...

1. My husband loves me unconditionally. He has been there throught everything from the days when I couldn't get out of bed, to the nights when I wouldn't get off the computer, and everything in between.

2. I LOVE my husband more than I ever thought possible. Why? See above.

3. I still need my mom. For awhile, I don't think she knew what to say. I told her that saying ANYTHING is better than ignoring what I am going through. She gathers advice from her friends who went through infertility, tells me not to watch "Baby Story", "Adoption Story", or "Birth Day", and she even bought me a gorgeous kokopelli bracelet (she also told the women she bought it from that maybe the next time I see her I'll be "bumpy"). She is great! The day I had my beta from IVF, she was more anxious than I was! I was so crabby (I just knew it would be a BFN), but she took me to the movies, bought me lunch, and just spent the day with me. I think she was just as sad as I was when it was negative!

4. I have found out who my real friends are. My friend from school who has sent me emails and calls me almost daily, yup! The girl from school who constantly talks about her pregnancy, rubs her belly, and tells me "Its just not meant to be"--not so much. My "friend" of 28 years who told me NOT to do IVF b/c "there are other options" and "you'll get cancer if you do it" (whaaa???) Um... NOPE!!! My best friend who has waited until her two year old twins were sleeping to call me so I wouldn't hear their cute little voices... yup!!

5. People you find on the internet are NOT creeps!! What would I do without my Venting room friends? Every month when AF came, they were there to give virtual hugs. They have shared such great information from why NOT to eat pineapple to don't POAS every 5 minutes when you think you might be ovulating. I love you girls!!

6. You can find all sorts of information on the internet! I can easily spend hours looking things up while my house falls apart!

7. Needles aren't that scary. After having three shots a day for 3 weeks, I'm thinking about acupuncture!

8. Patience. I can be patient while helping a 6 year old decode the word "window". However, waiting for my baby has proven more challenging. Like I said, I thought we'd have to wait approximately 3 minutes to be pregnant. Apparently, I was wrong!!

9. Anyone can get pregnant, including: women on birth control, druggies, 14 year old girls, women who aren't trying, women who will one day leave their children at the Taste of Chicago, women who don't really want children, women who shop at IKEA (pregnant army!!)and jerks (women who rub there bellies and ask you if you are still trying).

10. I can not get pregnant, neither can 6 million other women in the world. However, we don't make the news. We don't rub our flat (or sometimes hormone induced inflated) tummies and cry (not in public, anyways). We don't get "Not Having a Baby Shower" and get lotion, candles, cute clothes (for US and our expanding waistline from hormone drugs), certificates for massages, and lots of alcohol. We don't get a day (Not a Mother's Day?). We can't talk about our doctor's appointments like pregnant women do (so the doctor looked at my empty uterus. Its just perfect!! Want to see the picture?).

I sound jaded. I sound a little heartbroken. Maybe I am. But I'm strong. I have my lessons close to my heart.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think you hit the nail on the head! I hate the empty uterus ultrasound!!!! Actually I hate all ultrasounds, and I probably always will.

And let's hear it for "not yet a mother day."

Sarah said...

You have me on the needles but I'll definately second Not a Mother's Day!