I started back to work this week, but only 1/2 days, and all I'm doing is setting up my classroom. We got a new principal, and if you didn't already know, our former one was not one of my favorite people. Our new guy has given us an extra week to work in our rooms. So nice! I am finishing this week so I have next week to be at home. It was really hard to drop her off at the "day care provider" (can't call her a "sitter" b/c she doesn't sit!!). I haven't been able to get a really good read on this woman, but when I went to pick up Mia, she was happy, so what more could I ask for? I felt some tears come to my eyes when I drove away, but I just cranked up the music. She is going again tomorrow and a couple days next week. This is not for her to get used to it; Emilia will be fine. She will be having so much fun hanging out and playing, she won't notice I'm gone! Its ME that is going to have the hard time!
I am just amazed at how fast time has flown! Mia will be 12 weeks old tomorrow! I wish I could say that I have relished every moment, but I haven't. Don't get me wrong, I love my little girl and am just go grateful that compared to so many I conceived with only my second IVF try. I don't consider myself blessed, because that would imply that those who haven't become moms yet are not blessed and it just sounds so conceited. Its late, I'm rambling... I don't know what I'm trying to say...
Anyway, I decided to go back to the psychologist. Even though the PPD has kind of given way, there are still some fleeting thoughts that scare me. I'm also going to talk to her about dealing with my friend Jess, who just found out she needs ANOTHER 3 rounds of chemo (she's already had 3, gotten a new knee and new thigh bone, and undergone 6 weeks of radiation). On top of it all, dh and I have not been getting along. Its not like we are fighting, we aren't. But, we aren't doing much of anything else, either.
Too much going on in my little brain!
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3 comments:
Wow! You certainly have A LOT on your plate right now. Although this is a very happy time in your life, it's also a period of huge adjustments -- which means lots of stress. Anyone who is caring for a newborn, adjusting to parenthood, running a household and working outside the home deserves a little time for introspection. Good for you for being proactive and seeing the psychologist!
I'm so proud of the kind of wife/mother/teacher you are. :-)
Hope this upcoming school year is a great one.
Joei- I felt the same way going back to work. It is bittersweet. But honestly, I found that the time I do spend with Hayley is that much sweeter. Good luck with going back to work- and going back to the therapist. I know that both will be good for you in the long run!
Congratulations on returning to work – I hope you find it fulfilling in ways that childrearing isn’t. Like you, I have a Ph.D., I am bitchy, I had a child in May, and I return to work this week. I am hoping that my return to work will herald a new era in my relationship with my husband and child. My husband would ironically rather read this and other people’s blogs or play a computer game than play with our 13 week old son, while I am slaving away in the house with the laundry or other child related duty. Though I return to work for only 3 weeks (my lab ran out of money) I am hoping that he will remember that I am an educated woman who is his equal, who is putting her career (no matter how sad it may be) on hold for a year to care for our child since we can afford it, and agreed that it would be best for our son if I stay home and care for our child one on one. I am entertaining the idea of SRIs to help me with my unhappiness, not to the day care but to my husband’s casual attitude towards his responsibilities. I first need to determine if they are safe during breastfeeding. I don’t know what I am going to do if he doesn’t change his attitude of superiority.
Best wishes to your friend who needs more chemo.
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