Just tell me I'm CRAZY!!

I'm sure I am losing my mind. I am sure it is the fault of a pregnancy magazine I read last night. I thought these magazines were supposed to make you feel good; this one kept me up all night. First, it said that pregnant women are gaining too much weight, which causes gestational diabetes and preterm labor. It also talks about eating the "right" way, and if you don't your baby will not be normal.

N O R M A L

What a word! I've never wanted to be considered normal with a normal life and a normal outlook... Now, its all I want for this baby! I have moments where I'm sure something has happened to the baby, like when I bent over I squashed the baby and its smooshed in my belly. Or that the imbilical cord is wrapped around its little neck. And I'm afraid I'm not getting enough protein and my baby will be born with mental issues. Oh, and there was this article about autism. Being a teacher, I know the devastation this can cause. I'm worried I'm going to gain too much weight, and in the same breath, I'm worried that my belly isn't growing fast enough.

I think part of my paranoia comes from a friend of mine who lost her baby because of MTHFR at 17 weeks. It was terrible, and I'm so worried I don't deserve this Sprout and God will take it away from me!

On a happier note, I think I started to feel Sprout move! Last week, I raised my voice to get the kids' attention, and I swear I felt a jump! I've been feeling little movements since then, but it could also be gas or my imagination. I know its kind of early to feel anything.

Thanks for letting me vent... Please feel free to reassure me until your hearts are content!

Is that MY butt???

When my bf took me shopping for maternity clothes, she mentioned something about maternity underwear. I kind of shrugged this idea off... why would I need maternity underwear? The baby is in front, not back... I thought maybe because she had twins things were different... HA!! I started noticing my VS bikinis slipping down my bottom, but thought that it was the way my pants were sitting. And then I realized, hmm... maybe I'm gaining some weight in my bottom, and should just go up a size. I made fun of myself to dh, telling him my butt was expanding whith wise and going "wwwaaahhh" like in the cartoons. I laughed, he really didn't. Maybe he's notice my expanding derriere, too?

Anyway... I suck it up, and go to buy the next size up, and then I see the maternity underwear, which was way cheaper, so I bought a pack, just to see if they work. I take it out of the package and laugh. They are soooo big! I compare them to my other undies, which are noticably smaller. I show dh, I show my dog (because he really cares about these matters)... The next day, I take a shower, try on my new undies, which I'm ready for to be HUGE... Instead, they FIT!

Seems I'm carrying Baby in my bottom, too!! Good thing dh is a butt man...

FEELING GOOD!!

For the past few days, I've felt soooo good! I looked at my little pregnant belly and thought, "How cute!". I bought some more maternity tops, and some little outfits for Sprout (they were only $5!!) I swear I'm starting to feel some movements... Could be me digesting my food, but I am going to just pretend its Sprout!

We have decided on a girl's name; Emilia Rose. We can call her Em, Emma, Emmy, Mia, Lia... Yes, I do love nicknames... Someone mentioned Charlie for a girl, which I think is totally adorable, but I have my heart set on a little boy named Charlie. Heather asked if I wanted a girl... I kind of thought I did, but while I was looking at baby clothes, I found this little onesie with airplanes on it and thought how fun it would be to have a boy! My BF has twin boys and they are just amazing... And the little boys in my class are so much fun... so... I guess I just don't care what I have... as long as its healthy, and sleeps! Yeah, I guess I won't even mind if it doesn't sleep!

My appetite has come back, which is really good. I am craving stew with veggies and meat. If you know me at all, I don't really like meat, so this is a good thing! I just want to eat a whole cauliflower, too... and oranges... yum!! Dh and I are going grocery shopping, something I haven't been able to do in forever...

I am getting so incredibly excited to meet my little Sprout! Only 6 more months to go! I keep thinking about next year and how I'll be able to dress him/her up as a turkey for Thanksgiving... wouldn't that be funny? And buy a cute little Christmas outfit... I think it has sunk in. I finally feel like I can relax a little bit...

I'm LOVING this pregnancy now!! YAHOO!!!

Welcome to the Second Tri (hold on while I puke)mester

Okay, so I heard this rumor that morning sickness ends at the second trimester and you get your energy back. Is this some sort of lie people are trying to pawn off on women? Is it like the whole "you are only pregnant for 9 months thing"? I figured at 13 weeks, I would start to feel better.... um... nope... only change is that Sprout is resting comfortable on my sciatic nerve, which causes me much discomfort... Oh, and morning sickness has turned into "Whenever the Heck I feel Like It Sickness". I have even finished the progesterone shots, but the vomitting continues!

I had conferences yesterday and today... During one of them (in which Mom is telling me the nanny watches her child and she is so busy that during the summer she sends the kid off to China to stay with Grandma, and even left her there when she was a year old for 6 months...) I start to feel the waves. After about 40 minutes (each conference is slotted for 15 minutes) I finally stand up to usher her out (I don't care if I'm rude at this point), only to see a dad waiting. I apologize and try to focus on the report card. Luckily, his kid is fine and I rush through everything and make it just in time!

Another strange thing that happened this morning was I was talking to another teacher, and I couldn't focus my eyes. It was so weird! And little squirmy white things were floating around. I drank some water and it went away. I called my nurse friend who things my blood sugar was too high... Great, am I developing Gestational Diabetes???

I had a doctor's appointment this week, too. My cervix is "nice and long", and I've gained 5 lbs! whoa! My principal wants me to wait until AFTER CHRISTMAS to tell the parents that I'm expecting. Um... WHAT??? So, I'm just going to wear my maternity clothes and if someone asks, I'll tell them. I'm proud of my little belly! Why should I have to hide it for another 2 months?

And, we heard the heartbeat again. That sound never loses its impact! I asked what the rate was, and its between 150-160 BPM. The old wives tale say "girl", which I'm still feeling. I spent most of the afternoon on my couch watching "Bringing Home Baby"... I cannot wait to meet this little Sprout... I keep imagining it growing and moving and it just seems like such a miracle!
Although I complain, I feel like my prayers have been answered!

Random Thoughts

I realize that I have not been a very good poster as of late. Its probably because I'm not sure WHAT to post... I still fell like this pregnancy is a joke... Like someone is going to say "haha! just kidding! Who would let YOU have a baby???" I'm so worried that once I'm off the progesterone, I will immediately miscarry. Is all this worry normal? I don't know...

I'm 13 weeks and 2 days pregnant. Wow... 13 weeks! Such a milestone, and yet, I have about 27 weeks to go, which seems like forever! I am starting to get a belly. I can still squeeze into my jeans, but I know that in a few weeks, I won't be able to. I have to wear them in the beer belly style; my belly over the top. Yes. I have a belly. I know all the books say that a first pregnancy shouldn't be showing until about 4 or 5 mos, but I'm showing. Not enough where people notice, but, I can totally see a difference. I've gained about 2 1/2 lbs, which I don't think is so bad. I know the weight will start piling on... once I can eat again...

That's my biggest issue; eating. Its really hard to eat every two hours, especially since during that time I am teaching 6 year olds and when you have food, they want food. I try to sneak some pretzels every once in awhile, but then all chaos breaks out because I am Away. I swear, they think if I'm not looking right at them, I can't see or hear them. So anyway, I get really hungry, over hungry, and feel like vomiting, and then, I don't want to eat. And nothing sounds good anyway; except for Cambell's condensed chicken noodle soup and a good corned beef sandwich. And pickels.

I've also developed this strange pain in my leg. I thought I bumped it, but one of my friends said it could be Sprout laying on my sciatic nerve. How can something that is about 3 inches long and weighs so little be pressing so hard?

I have strange thoughts about Sprout, too. I imagine it dancing, arms flailing about whenever I eat, especially if I eat something especially yummy. I also imagine it flying around my uterus whenever I roll over and saying "Whooooaaa!" like on the Tilt-a-Whirl.

And then there is the naming issue. For a boy, I LOVE Charlie, who another blogger recently named her puppy. Sorry; I just LOVE that name!! For a girl... I have no idea! I like Autumn, but is that okay to name a little girl born in May? And if I use the middle name Rose, does it sound too much like a retirement home? I need something different since there are so many names I can't use due to being a teacher.

These are my random thoughts. Nothing too exciting. I am really looking forward to feeling Sprout move and kick me in the ribs!