Wednesday, April 18, 2007

My apologies...

So, I've made it!
And I feel like I need to explain myself over these last few whiny posts. Before being pregnant, I always said I would be the happiest pregnant person around and never complain. Now, it feels like all I do is complain. I remember reading blogs from pregnant women and thinking how annoying it was that they were complaining about being pregnant when that is all I ever wanted! I'm trying not to complain, really! The thing is, I'm still so nervous about something going wrong. I want to be done so I can hold my baby in my arms and know that this pregnancy was successful. Lately, it seems so much has been going wrong. Not big things, but the contractions were scary, as was the day I didn't feel her move. There is no innocence with an infertile pregnancy.

On another note, I am seriously done with school! I had so many parents asking at conferences what will happen with THEIR child when I'm not there... Will I come back after the baby (yeah, I'll drop her off at a sitter's on the way home from the hospital to teach your kid!)? And my maternity sub is making me anxious and nervous about what she is going to be doing with the kids. I seriously cannot plan for her for the last 6 weeks of school! And she's bugging me about report cards and grading the kids... First grade has been my life for so long, its hard to take a step back. I really am more done with school than I am with my pregnancy.

I went to the doctor yesterday. I'm almost at 2 cm dilated, which is great since I'm still feeling the contractions, but I'm not effaced at all. I asked if I could possible go early, or if she thinks I'll go to my due date. She told me usually first timers go past their due date, which I thought was a good answer... If I go early, I'll be happy, but I'm not as anxious as if she would have told me I could go any minute. She also told me some, um, intimate time with dh could possibly work. That's great since I feel and look as sexy as a gorilla during a heat wave!

So, I hope I didn't offend anyone with my complaints.


Dianne/Flutter said...

Ahh Joei, I don't think you are complaining. I personally have been taking your posts as you are scared. And I don't blame you for it. Like you said it is impossible of an infertile to have an innocent pregnancy.

Babe, praying for you and baby.

Jenn said...

Joei- honey, no one wants to still be pregnant at the end, regardless of how long they tried to get there! It is a combination of sheer exhaustion with a body that is too large and bulky as well as the mix of excitement about meeting that little foot that has been jabbing your ribs for what feels like forever. No one is judging you for feeling this way. Hang in there, the days are most definitely numbered! Oh, and that whole intimacy thing, didn't work for us. But I have heard from others that it did, so it doesn't hurt to try it! Besides, indulge your dear husband, he won't be getting any for six to eight weeks after anyway! Love ya!

Melissa said...

Amen to Dianne and Jenn.

You don't have to feel sorry for being uncomfortable in pregnancy. I could say everythin Jenn said all over again...But...I'll spare you!

Just know that we love you!

can't believe you're almost there!