Do you ever say that to yourself? Lately, I've been thinking it a lot. Why did Jessica get cancer? Why not me? Why did I get pregnant? Why is Emilia here and running around and Jessica's arms are empty?
Jess got some bad news last week. The chemo didn't work. She is going to get some radiation on her lungs, as that is where the cancer has spread. The tumor got LARGER! It just really stinks. Her only chance now is some exploratory medication that is not FDA approved. She has only heard bad news for the past 18 months. This is the second summer she will not be able to go to the Indiana Dunes, where we have gone every year since we were 17. She get too tired to even go for a short walk. Shopping is out of the question. All the million things I do daily and take for granted are almost impossible for her. And she counts herself "lucky" because she wasn't very sick from the chemo. What do you say to someone who is fighting for her life? I'm sorry? Look at the positive? What right do I have to complain about a bad day at work or trouble with Emilia? Its all so insignificant.